Everyone
has relationships in their life,
with partners, children, siblings and parents. Then there are
relationships
with friends, colleagues, neighbours and so on. That isn't to say that
every
relationship is easy, enjoyable or exists at all. Some survive on
break-ups and
make-ups. Others die never to be rekindled again. Sometimes better or
painful
and there seems no way of escaping the heart and disappointment.
Our
minds continually tell us "it was
their fault" they lied about me, betrayed me, or tried to put me down.
Yes, does all this sound familiar? As a child I remember my grandmother
giving
me a bookmark. On it there was a quote from the Bible-"Jesus said love
one
another as I have loved you".
Now I
don't know about you but I felt that
quite challenging! Why would I want to "love" the guy that was the
playground bully? Or the grumpy teacher who dished out more punishment
than
patients? And how was it that the most confident kids who sneered at
others
were often the most in demand?! All but if Jesus said "love one
another" who was I to argue? And if that's what my grandmother advised?
After all she was a kind lady! The joys of childhood learning.
One
of life's benefits of growing older is
that we become better informed, questions become answered and we evolve
into
more enlightened individuals. Take the relationship question: the
relationship
we have with others largely reflects the relationship we have with
ourselves. Which
bluntly means that if we have a toxic relationship with ourselves we
can’t
expect any relationship with others to be very different?
One
of my biggest learnings in life was to
accept that if we see flaws in others, it generally reflects and a flaw
in
ourselves. Painful to accept perhaps-but true. I don't make the rules
of human
behaviour! So when we come up against someone who challenges us we can
either
feel the victim of their behaviour or see it as an opportunity to free
ourselves of any negative thinking pattern that lies within us.
Now
don't get me wrong here-I have had my
share of people who have used me (or so it seemed) lied about me,
(their agenda
not mine) and thought they knew me better than they actually do. No I
don't
always remember choosing to love them anyway, at least not at first.
The truth
is the most important relationship we will ever have is the one with
ourselves
stop this is about self confidence, self-esteem and self worth. Most of
us
struggle with that for most of our lives-yet even the wealthiest and
most
famous can struggle with this one also. It just shows itself with
different
behavioural patterns.
Only
when we conquer our own inner thoughts
and feelings will we be at our best with others. It's all too easy to
become
consumed with blame, anger even jealousy. We don't always realise we do
it. We
may naturally reach for things like alcohol, medicinal drugs, maybe
tobacco to
numb the pain. Only when we process our inner negative feelings will
our
confidence, esteem and self worth be allowed to flourish. When it does
we
attract like-minded individuals and the negative ones avoid us. It also
makes
loving other people of all types regardless, a whole lot easier. We
don't have
to spend much time with them, loving within can just mean we feel
peaceful and
indifferent about our relationship with them. They no longer make us
angry,
upset or vengeful. We are free of negative feelings towards them and
when this
happens, loving feelings takeover. It reduces stress, illness and
physical pain
for us all.
We
just need to know how to let go. It is
the best gift to ourselves, brings happiness to ourselves and others
and helps
all other relationships regardless. You don't have to be able to do it
alone.
We can show you how.
Have
a great week
Billy
